


A Look in David's Mind- a series of oneshots

by Metallicafanforever



Category: Megadeth
Genre: Abuse, Betrayal, Hurt, M/M, collection, one shots, retrospection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-11-17 22:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11277951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metallicafanforever/pseuds/Metallicafanforever
Summary: "I've lost him forever, it seems."





	1. Where'd I Go Wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I know I said I'd post the two new B-52 chapters, but this popped into my head and I wanted to get it down quickly. I hope you guys enjoy! And I am currently writing the next two B-52 chapters!

I don't know where I went wrong. I don't know what suddenly snapped in me and made me deliver the first blow. I don't know how this monster has overtaken my soul. All I know is that I've lost the love of my life. 

Dave used to say he loved me and meant it, then to rarely saying it, to saying and not meaning it, to saying it out of fear, and now, to not saying it at all. 

I don't know when I changed, I don't know what drove me to hit him that night. All I could see after my fist connected with his cheekbone was hurt and shock, betrayal and confusion. I can't even believe I did that. I can't believe that wasn't the last time. 

A lot of people see Dave as the abusive, dominating, sadistic figure in the relationship, but in reality it was me. 

People would see the bruises on my face and assume they were inflicted out of anger instead of self defence. He would always wear long sleeves, and never go shirtless in public. What the public didn't know couldn't hurt them. He was happy to take the blame, take the fall and the burden of my abuse. I don't deserve him. 

I broke him. His soul, I shattered it along with the countless bones I've broken. I don't even want to think about all of the ribs I've broken, bruised, or fractured. 

I took him for granted and cheated on him countless times. I am a bastard who deserves to burn in hell. I took the one good thing in my life and I destroyed that.

That night that I hit him, I watched some of the light in his eyes die. I watched part of his soul die. The person he was supposed to love and trust the most had broken his trust in the worst way. He didn't hit back, he just slumped on the wall and cried. He forgave me quick, never expecting it again. I didn't expect to do it again either. We were both wrong. Because it continued. It escalated. I would throw things at him, hit him for no good reason. He has never once hit me unless out of self defence. I've fucked up so badly. 

I've lost him, forever it seems.


	2. I couldn't heal the hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dave and I were so in love, and I drove him into the arms of another man."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another stray from B-52, I'm sorry. I like to write these oneshots while I'm stuck on B-52. I will have it up as soon as possible. Much love, Kyleigh.

I can still remember the hurt, the betrayal, how wide his eyes got. Like a deer caught in the headlights. He justified my actions against him, saying that he deserved it for provoking me. Even though he provoked me, I shouldn't have hit him. The minute that happened I knew our relationship would never be as innocent and pure as it was before. 

As expected, I was right. I became more angry, snapping at him more frequently and he just became sadder, more hollow. 

He continued the hollowness until he had made a new friend. At first, he didn't give much detail about his friend, all I knew was a name, Dave referred to them as Jamie. 

I of course immediately thought of Hetfield, his past flame and friend until he was kicked out of Metallica. 

I didn't want to be right, and of course I was let down. 

When they started again as friends, the light in Dave's eyes started to return, James was healing him, healing the hurt I caused, in some way I will never understand. 

Dave and I were so in love, and I drove him into the arms of another man.


	3. He Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "At first they were just friends, I'm not sure how quickly it escalated."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm currently writing the next few chapters of Just Like A High School Romance, and The Beginning. I'll post them as soon as possible. For now, I hope you enjoy this continuation. Love always, Kyleigh.

At first they were just friends, I'm not sure how quickly it escalated. 

I still remember the night, it was a Thursday, the day we always put aside, made sure we didn't have any plans, that was our 'date' night. I use the word 'date' loosely, we didn't go out much anymore, we mainly just had sex. 

On that particular Thursday, we he had gotten home a little later, and as I was undressing him I noticed he had already been stretched. 

I lost it. I lost my temper at him, flipped him over, and I fucked him roughly and with no lube. He was crying and asking me to stop but I didn't. When I finished, I proceeded to beat him up again. I beat him until he had black bruises on his ribs, his eye purple and swollen. I choked him as I shouted at him, calling him the most horrible things I could think of. 

When I let go, he slid down the wall I had him up against and cried himself to sleep. I went to the bathroom of the house we shared, and I locked myself in there and cried. 

I don't know how long passed, but all I remember is James coming into the house, Dave must've called him. He broke in the door to the bathroom, and proceeded to beat me up. I didn't fight back, I just let him do it. 

He finished beating me, before helping Dave pack some of his things. 

I still remember what Dave said to me

"Dave, I-" I tried to say, he ended up cutting me off. 

"No. You don't get to beg me to stay like always. I'm done. I'm done being your punching bag and I'm done crawling back to you. This is it. The last fucking straw. You RAPE me and then proceed to beat the everliving shit out of me and then beg me to stay with you! You're a sadistic fuck and if I knew what you would do do me I would've never kissed you. I hate you, David Warren Ellefson and you deserve to burn in the hottest corner of hell! See you at the studio you slimy fuck." 

That was all he said before storming out of the house, James hot on his trail.


	4. Can I Go Back?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wish I could go back, back to that night. I would never hit him. I would never lose him. I wish I could. I pray I could. I know I'll never be able to."

Seeing him at the studio was fucking awful. After helping him through his depression after James threw him out on his ass, a relationship had formed between Dave and I. We had been together ever since. It's been seven years. SEVEN FUCKING YEARS AND I THREW IT ALL AWAY. I can't believe how fucking stupid I've been.

I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone. I still do. I just don't know why this all happened. We were like one person, we completed each other's thoughts. He was the yin to my yang, the balance to my strength, the denim to my leather. Now he's with James.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy he's happy again. I love him and I want everything good for him. I know I'm not what will make him happy. I just want him to love someone, and be loved again.

Seeing James hanging out at the studio, congratulating Dave, being so enthusiastic, making friends with Nick and Marty, even being friendly to me. He's such a good person, he's so much more mature than I am. He is everything that I wanted to be and everything that I'll never be.

He's everything that Dave deserves.

I, on the other hand, deserve to watch that. To watch how tooth-hurtingly sweet they are, how in love they are. It reminds me of the days when we weren't so angry. Well, Dave was never usually angry, it was always me.

I wish I could go back, back to that night. I would never hit him. I would never lose him. I wish I could. I pray I could. I know I'll never be able to.


End file.
